to whom it may concern

whats going on?
who turned out the lights?
im a what.....? a human bean on erf?
why?
oh no
not this routine again
im tellin' ya fiendss and others
i still cant get used to it
will someone tell me whats a'happening baby
cos this thing called life is blowing my mind
people getting really sick n ill all over the place
why cant i do something?
is it my ego that thinks i should be able to do something?
is it a typical male response?
hold on im just doing my wrist inverse flexi-jobs
to counter the constricting rsi
my backs getting better
but my wrist is re-locking
(im doing the exercises coach)
now davem
when i mention my wrist
i hope yer not going all frankie howerd
(the prologue....)
god where was i
healing....?
people say
oh timebeeing your music heals
but i wanna do it the real way
i wanna cast that bastard out
that addiction
that fucking cancer
that nasty thing in whatever guise it might take
there is a way to do it
sometimes i think its on the tip of my tongue
its gotta be the most easy obvious thing
except for one thing
you gotta have faith
faith in what ? you curious fiendss ask
faith in something including but beyond yourself
even if its just total faith in the process
oh thats not so easy
total faith
so within reach
yet so seemingly unreachable
it means a total focus of your prana energy
of your vitality
of your qi
of your ooomph
of the thing you reckon you got
if ya wanna heal someone with your faith
does it work?
absolutely i believe this
how many people can manifest total faith?
hardly any...definitely i wont be one this turn
oh my motivation is all wrong...
still ....
but miracles are rare in my opinion
down here on erf
everything seems mixed up
or is that me?
the villains appear to be mostly winning
the planet itselfs in badde shape
and i mean badde
(someone out there contradict me fersure)
i dunno
im a bloody olde pop singer...
theyre still fuckin' harpooning the whales
theyre still clubbing the seals
theyre still slaughtering the beasts in hellish slaughterhouses
theyre still dreaming up reasons to have wars
(im still asking who authorised that first world war
and what do they say now its all over)
theyre still printin' the goss rags
that make you feel putrid
just like a big mac would
theyre still cutting down them forests
(daddy...whats a forest
its a bunch of trees, darling
daddy
yes daughter
whats a tree?)
theyre still laying about watching soapies
theyre still getting obese n anorexic
theyre still having domestic violence
n international argy bargy
theyre still having boy bands and hair product
theyre still doing all that jazz ya gotta love
and the confusing thing
having said all that
there are those rare miracles
i believe
they are rare
but not never
i have found never to be a bullshit word
because ive seen a lotta nevers happen
they said a hurricane could never go below the equator
but one did!
you see we're in an age where never has lost its absoluteness
is there really anything that will never happen?
ha! i wouldnt like to see it
no not me
never indeed
no
i believe anything is possibly likely and likely possible as well
i still believe that i gotta ticket in the lottery
i still believe i can get the product n pay no interest until 2032
i still believe that god gave rocknroll to me
i still believe that everything will be ok in the end
but at times i may not believe that at all
i read a badde review of mimesis from brizzy
woman said it made her want to shave her legs...
mm whatta top notch critic....
thats real definitive stuff
see...!?

muse goes solo

muse : you may find it doubtful that my attempts
to reach you this way mean anything at all but try
to believe, that it is indeed me
why am i here?
no simple explanation can suffice
you wouldnt understand is so easy to say
dont think literally or laterally now
this is something to interpret
this is something to feel
this is something to hide in
this is something that flows through you
this is something else
something altogether different
what what what youre saying
greedy for a secret
well secrets dont come cheap even these days
and what i know i cant show you
unless you are receiving on this level
not higher or lower level
just different
i am the being in times muse
i am female as you would understand
ying
night
moon
i am an aspect
i am imaginary
i am powerful
i am transmitting to you if you would but hear
i see the potential in everything
i have instructed the being in this
and if he has any gift it is this
to hear a melody in one note
to see a poem in one word
to get a song from a jam
and a jam from a mistake
and mistake something else
and come up with something new
examine everything
carefully
dont rush it too much
but dont take too much time
verily they say a quick one is a good one!
there is a way into things
and its not the most obvious way either
however dont make the mistake
the being has often made
that is to neglect the obvious and concentrate on minutiae
you see everything is in need of balance
too much one way is insanity
too much the other is torpor, lethargy
just look around you
can you really say you dont know what to paint?
listen closely to the hearts of men
for there are your poems and lyrics
study the natural shapes of nature
theres your design
theres your perspective
go lightly go lightly go lightly
not like a taurus in a fucking china shoppe
be gentle with it
play your instrument firmly but softly
let your fingers glide over it like a lovers caress
let the notes flow in liquid patterns undulating like a river
touch your instrument with awe
it says that which none may speak
it is capable of sublime beauty or discordant noise
sing songs about the time and the distance
sing about the songs you love to sing
let the music move you in all ways it will
then youre swimming through it
and your instrument is guiding you beyond yourself
where you truly belong
understand these words if you want to
decipher them if you can
be bothered
i write them regardless
of whether you heed or not
thats all

strangest life i ever had

stoned immaculate in the sun
jim morrisons book still on my table
yellow 6 emit from ibox
been goofing off again today im afraid
muse : is that what youre calling it these days....
no muse im not gonna let you walk all over this blogge today
you only speak cos i choose to let you
and today youre gonna remain silent
(sound of muffled struggle)
kilbey says to himself:
fuck, i bet they like the muse better than me....
(sound of a muffled "who wouldnt?" is heard)
thats the trouble with voices, my darling pigss
once you let em speak
you got yer hands full
every little aspect of yer psyche jostling to be heard
do you really think this muse exists?
(more muffled strugglin'...izzshe strugglin'?)
you fiendss really think there is some supernatural female energy
filling up my head with words twenny four hours a day, childe?
damn right there is.....!
hey there really is look...
what do you want me to do
compose a poem?
nah too easy
theres idiots out there without muses knocking that stuff out?
write a novel....
nah, itd take too long
do a painting then
nah dont feel like it..i been overdoing it
write a song then
good idea but no audio for a blogge
take a photo then
of what?
and who is saying all that stuff if it aint the muse?
muse : you cant control me, being
no sweet immortal muse, youre always so good to me
muse : and you have always had faith in me
i believe in you muse, i really do..
muse : ah the hardest thing is to really believe
but doesnt everyone have their own muse....?
muse : alas, no, being in time
but why me then?
muse : well youre useless at just about everything else and
at the last minute the creator imbued you with one of my many aspects
purely out of mercy.......
well i know youve always been there for me, like
when im up against a tight fucking schedule
you know 5 minutes to write something thats gotta be good
and i think come on muse...be there...!
muse : and unless youve had too much this or that i will deliver
how do you do it muse...where do you get all the stuff from?
muse : oh i have a muse too, mortal man, and that muse i filter to you
couldnt you let me have a minute with your muse, muse
muse : you always want that forbidden thing you not supposed to have
does that mean yes?
muse : you cant handle it sonny jim
hey im nearly effing 53, cmon, lemme have it
muse : what good would some ineffable delight do you?
are you having a laugh....is she having a laugh?
muse : you would have no words to write it
gimme a chance
muse: it is glorious creativity, pure and delightful
it is a melody with visible form clothed in poignant stories
the most beautiful woman you ever didnt see
a strong man , wise and golden
and words falling from the sky
queuing in the ether to enter your fevered head
and sensual beyond all feeling
a whisper in your ear saying such delicious things
oh being, my muse is prescient and reveals the future
the future unrolling in viridian and crimson lake and cerulean blue
the future played by an orchestra of ecstatic angels
each a virtuoso of unquantifiable stature
the future dished up as a lovely dessert with serene distances
and being, the past hung like a tapestry in eternal remembrance
the fountain of dance and song where i bathe nightly
everysong you say please dont let this one end
this is the best song
no song could be better than this
but my muse sends me a new song
and i say ah
this song is by far superior to everything that came before
and each note is unlocking sensations deep in your heart
the heart of your creativity where all things begin
and being
let me tell you of my muses voice
the voice that sings me those songs
oh her voice is like strong and clear and melodic
she sings in all languages at once
she has a thousand eyes
and she sings in the voice of earth and sky
her lowest note would open the ground
her highest would pierce the sun and stars
and she sings soft and low
seducing you with her untranslatable lyrics
about about about
you see there are no words here for them
ha ha being
you could not contain my muse
it would derange you....
ok look gimme a 10 second blast, i still wanna try
muse: my my your a persistent pest, arent you?
im ready
muse : are you really ready?
yes i am
muse: so be it!!!

ah.........!!!!!!!!!!!


???????????????????????????????????????????????????????
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
&
*************************************************

normal service resumed tomorrow

unanchored

monday comes around
cant trust that day
mondays childe so fair of face
everyday is anyday to me
i sit alone at home
ive swum
ive qi gonged
back still hurting
(will not bore ya w/that anymoore)
what was i going to say?
does anyone outthere remember?
monday is moon day
the moon
the month
the moons cycle
the cycle of ovulation
the unending thrust of reproduction
all them new ones trying to get born
all them that wanna take their chances
again
rich man
poor man
beggar man king
silk satin cotton rags
life
oh dont start me talking
what is this thing "life"
are we/you/i wasting it ?
chasing chimeras
being misdirected by maya
swallowing the illusion and saying give me more
i dont know about you
ive had a weird life
and always something trying to tell me something
my misadventures always end with someone saying
in my mind
i thought i told you that would happen....
repeating an action, expecting different results
thats insanity they say in n.a. and a.a.
you cant turn a gherkin back into a cucumber!
so as my own metaphor goes
im poking round in a muddy puddle
whilst standing in the midst of an edenic garden
but aint that just like a human
weve got this built in mechan-ism...
look what they gave us
and look what we done with it
and yet and yet
and yet
well no surprises
its a warm autumnal day here in n.bondi
the water was cold...about 17
and the sauna was hot
i washed my wispy hair with a little bottle of shampoo
i picked up in a hotel in europa somewhere
i walk down the street in my army shirt w/stickers
white cord shorts
blunnies n odd socks
my noise cancellation headphones blasting krautrock shuffle
my 60 gig ipodd swinging at my hippy old hip hip
i am ageing disgracefully
no i will not become a shapeless gray amoeba
an olde cheezy boozy meaty "straight" man popping viagra n antacids
some waddling walrus in a suity
why is this so important to me
to make this distinction to my poor long-suffering readers
over and over
because....
i dunno
actually i just dunno
its another of those traps i wassa talking about
you know maya n illusion
i may think my illusion is a superior illusion
but its still illusion
some people do want the illusion
and good luck to em
hey theres plenty to go around folks
plenty n plenty of sweet sticky illusion for you
muse : kilbey youre as deluded as anyone out there
yes i am
but im still interested in finding a bit of truth
if it bit me on the ass that is
muse: meanwhile you got a both ways bet going aint ya?
yes i guess you could say that
muse : why do you pretend?
i am afraid to be myself
muse : why?
because it might feel too good
so i pretend n pretend till the bitter end
muse : afraid of feeling good?
as hard as it is to believe, muse, yes
muse: everything you do is convoluted
its all i know
the hard way
the ordinarymans path
muse : your self styled ordinary man makes me laugh im afraid
all of us are ordinary and yet unique
muse : more pretence
muse, you dont amuse me sometimes
muse : thats why you can trust me
you always deliver
muse : there you go
afternoon is here
lunchtime in all the schools
brown paper bags n sandwiches
packets of crisps
inevitable bananas
i remember a kid whos mother packed him celery
and a little rolled up packet of salt which he sprinkled carefully on
i wished i liked celery...
lunchtime in hospitals
say a prayer for the people there and be just happy youre not in there
ditto for prisons and institutions
ah sweet freedom
once you lose it youll realise
jail jail jail
all the people serving time for bullshit crimes like possessing pot
most of the real crims are out and extant, readily available
dont ever go to jail fiendss
you wont like it
that i will guarantee you
its a horror for a man to be locked up
lord have mercy on all the jailers and the jailed
imagine a world without locks
no need
no one gonna take your stuff
muse : a little naive idealism, being?
hey its just a blogg
ok?

lazy sunday afternoon

golden sunlight falls on the floor
somelife
somelife you maybe never led
warm nursery where its sunday
the old toys where they used to be
pandy bear
and the soldiers
and the cards
on the sleepy carpet where the marbles roll
the other children are waiting
fitzy, glenny, the burns twins, billy franklin
and all the rest
put your toys away son says mum
and you can go outside
outside where the birdsnests and lizardfrogs are
the cricketgames and lostballs
sunday afternoon stretches off out there
tranquil day of rest
fathers smoking pipes raking leaves thoughtfully
mothers baking pies waving thru the glass
in the courtyard a brown dogs sleeps in the sunday
bells ring and flowers bloom
guests have arrived across the road
see the white clouds tossed in the blue sky
at the seaside its always sunday
frozen sunday jokes fitzy
false tooth fitzy cos he gotta tooth knocked out playing footy
fltzy can do tricks with his false tooth
including ejecting jets of water like an archerfish
fitzy has a white paper bag
a bobs worth of mixed lollies
you can have anything but my white frog he says proffering the bag
was that part of the bob or was it extra says franklin
cmon franklin the frogs are a penny each said burnsy
a penny each said his sister
anyway the chocolate bullets are pretty good
said with a good mouthful
yes a frozen sunday
people listening to the radio
people sleeping in
people congratulating themselves they are part of sunday
the cars slow down and look for parks
cmon says fitzy twisting his tooth a bit
but i have to go back
no kilbey
no no say the burns twins
cmon kilbey says billy and glenny
and we walk thru the car park
where the weeds have cracked the asphalt
sprouting their own flowers
and the gentle afternoon that doesnt move
as we slip thru the cars
the hillmans
and humber super snipes
the triumph vitessess
the vauxhall veloxes n victors
the fjs and the futuras
the cortinas and the zephyrs
the imps and singer gazelles
the riley pathfinders and sunbeam tigers
the morris majors n minors
the austin freeways and lancers
the renault caravelles n florides
the galaxies and jaguars
the specials and premiers
the fairlanes and healey sprites
we come at last to the a mysterious field
the bush says franklin smiling
no kevin says burnsys sister
cmon the rest of us say
ok she says
warm golden light
among the trees
in the pines by the sea
blue sunday sea containing only boys and girls
shallow warm transparent sunday sea with floating boys and girls
with deck chairs and banana beds on the shore
and the sea shells whispering "ocean"
and the children amongst the afternoon shadows
their still wet fringes plastered against their tanned foreheads
and the boys so muscled
the girls so shapely
and theyre drinking vanilla thickshakes
and listening to the hit parade
last night they had a school dance
and romance has blossomed into a frozen sunday
holding them there
fitzy gives billy franklin a leg up into a tree
and billy climbs up into the canopy like a monkey
burnsy and his twin sister are talking about something
franklins gonna get an egg says fitzy
from a wood pigeon he adds
and sure enough
billy drops outta the tree with a small blue egg in his pocket
im gonna blow it he says
i'll put a pin in here and blow it clean
why i ask just wondering
for his egg collection they all say incredulous
we come to a little creek and everyone jumps it except me
i end up with mud up to my ankles and sloshingly wet to boot
we come to barbed wire and i get caught by my shirt
we come to a field with a bull and he chases me around
but no one gets hurt on sunday here
the sun just shines and the birdies sing in the trees
and dogs chase balls
and cats dream of chasing mice as they sleep in the spare room
above the shop where the maltese family lives
and fitzy lets me have his last musk stick
and he finally starts on the white frog
you coulda got 12 cocktail fruits says burnsy cluck clucking
12 says his sister
fitzy looks ruefully in his empty white paper bag
yeah he says
the graveyard is behind a church
the angels and flowers
the birds twitter twitter
blackberry brambles
thorns enter sunday
punctured
it begins to go soft
soft golden sunday collapsing beautifully like a stolen egg
frozen sunday suddenly melting
and all its pieces flowing away
fitzy says lets go
and we run half laughing half screaming
back through the bush and fields
squeezing thru the parked cars
all the way down our street
i run inside
and hide

sat in a day

lay in a night
silver painted on a sky
flakes of some beaten metal
wafer thin floating through the purple lake air
as we come so gently down
drifting turning fluttering
who do we think of as we stream outwards
who fills the expanse of our fall
rushing smoothly undulating
as seen in a peeling mirror apearing to warp
as glimpsed in a sidelong dream
some powdery smoke
some watery spark
flash
slipstream
rush
flew
unravelling in the sky
slow motion explosion
impulsion
self destroying arc
the surface comes apart
shooting away blindly
moving ago upon years
over and under and outside down
ripping the fabric of the night wide open
gaping holes in reality
through which ventured the othersiders
in all their improbability
holy holy holy
and fire
they brought fire
and the orange and the yellow and the red
superimposed on blackness
a picture on a dark wall
standing back a little i see with perspective
earth and time recede to a point
and falling forward it comes smack up to meet me in the mouth
the horror of freefall
land sea air
when this happens
along a line
straight as a die
as the day is long
but night is longer
vibrate above the bed
flow upwards like cold ice steam
round and round
down and around
dropping
away

post 600

hi de ho you little fiendss
my darling pigs
my children of the knight
readers and reedcutters
oh you wanted some sense....
ok
i spent the day goofing off
driving round with nk n lil sk
sitting in cafes
watching lil sk roll down grassy slopes
watching her chuck sticks in the harbour
watching her chase the birdies
all the usual stuff
she bangs her heavy head a cuppla times
oh she has a big head stuffed full of brains
like the scarecrow in wizard of oz
i watch a doco on triffids
that im interviewed in
hmmm
wow
what a weird thing seeing yaself on the telly
coming over like a slightly scruffy professor
being interviewd about a new archaelogical dig or something
lisping slightly it sounds like
oh no!
have a listen to antenna on starfish where those "people"
put such a heavy "de-esser" on my voice
it sounds like i am lisping
oh yeah
ive hurt my lower back lifting the bumbper into her carseet
damn
cmon ryan roll out yer lower back vid please
(hes curing me over the internet
if i do but stop and wonder
tis indeed a marvel!)
jesus now i feel a hundred n fifty 2
we are all one slip away from injury
at any minute
a twist
a stumble
a pull
a tensing
a jerk
whoa boy
you got yerself a bad back...
praying it goes away
i thought
in my hubris
that yoga would protect me
but no it didnt
maybe it did and i'll never know how much
i feel all the springs gone outta my step
i cant lift the bumbper n shes takin' it personal
oh didja see that scar on my forehead
wow you can really see it there
where the evil spirit left me in 2001
it left that gaping wound
where my third eye now sometimes can be seen
the sea was a lovely lovely blue today
and i was reminded of my life as a sailor
that i lived once maybe
a long long long dream ago
oh yeah
just as i am now
on the seas of abyssinia
or ferrying across a black scandanavian lake
or paddling a canoe
the sea the sea the sea
always back to this changing changeless wonder
container of things undreamt of
deep to unknown depths
warm n shallow
endless and dark
the sea
poor canberra so far from the sea
no wonder i was not feeling myself
canberra where i took shape
so much groovier it is now than then
i remember a hot night in 1975
i get a call from a girl i know
says come over here im babysitting
i have just bought horses by patti smith
and station to station by bowie
(now someone contradict that please)
i look in the mirror of my datsun 1000
its me
all that hair
oh a pimple on chinny chin chin
its hot n dry here in summer
i feel like im in the wrong place
but i cant determine the feeling
i hate it here but i havent actually realised
thats what it is
its a sterile treeless (then) pre fab town
chock full o "straights"
who dont understand a bohemian( like me)
one bit
but i dont know im a bohemian really
i havent said that word to myself
im obssessed by music
i only think of music
i really like pattis record
i like seeing a woman dressed like her on the cover
i like her words n attitude
strangely enuff now its hard to listen to it
bowies record i loved some of it
some i thought was just ok ..eg tvc 15 or whatever
but golden years i loved
my shuffle has played 3 dionne warwick/burt bacharach songs
in about 2 hours
are they trying to tell me something
my shuffle always plays beatles
but rarely stones.....?
the clientele are on a lot
scott walker gets a good innings too
shuffle
god a whole new way of listening or what...
shakes it all up
you get to know your collection
i got 12000 songs in there
thats a bit of music
oh anaesthesia comes on
murky aint it
i hit ff on the remote quick
on comes ...
oh i know this...
i like it so far
hmmmmmm

murder magic and the weather

saw the prestige last nite
whatta load of laughable tripe
what a waste of re-sauces
oh i wish i could get that budget
and make film about magic at the turn
of the twentieth century
containing the olde identical twin switcheroonie
yeah that tiresome olde malarkey ya seen on a dozen soapies
and a machine that duplicates human beans....yipes!!!!
built by ziggy czardust nun the less
wow
huge jackmann..hes a bit of an enig, ma
as the wolverine ...wow!!
as anybody else hes kinda...i dunno
i mean christ i envy his abs n his milly-yons
but i think hes just a bit soppy or something
he shoulda taken a leaf outta clint eastwards book
and tried to stick to tuff roles
anyway
real disappointed with this half baked pudding
and hope the illusionist is better
but im sure its silly too...eventually
i guess the thing i think is silly
is the thing most people like
and the thing i like
most people really dont want it
"ridiculous" my dad used to say
we were watching a film on the telly
about this magician
and my dad was quite enjoying it i guess
when suddenly something happened
i dunno the magician flew or something
"thats bloody ridiculous, son" says dad
and thats the end of it
"its like theyre making it up as they go along" he says
putting the boot in in one last statement
before getting up n going to bed
howcome i always liked things like that
my dad liked things to all be squared away come end of film
no david lynch type sudden bang! cop that! everythings different !
he wanted to know why that bloke could speak such good german
that he could fool the high german nazi command
with his eton german and impersonate the gerries
"i tell ya son, the germans werent that bloody stupid"
he didnt like it that the cowboys never got their hats knocked off in fights
or when they said, clutching their arms
"dont worry its a flesh wound"
"when a bloke gets shot like that it'd blow 'is bloody arm off" said dad
who i guess had seen it..
"'e wouldnt be standing there like that" dad said
anyway
im not like that
i want it unexplained about unexplainable things
thats what films are for
i saw a film about mr houdini
who as you know is a major obsession of mine
and
i was bemused to see a scene
where houdini is sitting in the bathy
and his wife sits down on him
and says
youre not the only one who can make things disappear
cmon
did we have to have "patter" like that
in a film about a man who i reckons wife
did not say things like that at all
but who knows
and why tarnish their reputation with something as feeble as that?
oh a film about houdini should be mysterious
not stony curtis neither...
oh i see it in my head
twilight mysterioso
starring as houdini
the time being
as the old houdini just before his demise
huge jackmanne can play young houdini
and this time we'll get it right
play down the love interest schmaltzy bullshit most of us hate
give the thing more magical marvellous muscle
a surrealist kick up the ass
dont explain nothin'
just let it bee baybee
and if ya dont dig this mess
you got the wrong address
or i could play the older crowley
the great beast himself
or both of em
who are actually twin brothers
an evil twin
you betcha
hell throw nicky tesla back in there
i can play triplets
huey duey n wackatooey
someone fer chrissake gimme a billion bux
anda breef to make a magic movie
i'll edit it all on my imovie just like the guy in tarnation
and that was best visual movie i ever scene
(great when he does diviner)
i'll film it on an olde camera i found at the bondi st vinnies
write the script?
yep
do make up?
if i want it
catering?
yes...tomato sandwiches
producing?
yep and executive as well (whatever that means)
director cameraman n best boy?
me me me
anything else?
dont worry i'll take care ov it
im actioning it!
give me some kind of some thing please
take my script i havent written yet
cos i know theyll never read it
its a phenomenon in my head
you aint seen nothin' like it
you prob'ly never will
and i did all the stunts
steve, is there anything up yer sleeve?

tiny mammoth/green thumbs

almost like im not here at all....
another autumn afternoon
i turn on the oven in here for warmth
sun goes down yellow not red
jim morrisons poetry book open on my table
the babys bitten into each apple ...minute nibbles
ipod drones softly next to jar full of coins
little statues of elephants everywhere
is this nks totem?
cactii n bamboos
items of clothing draped over chairs
a little box that once held a light bulb
a jar of silver paint
a book the twillies made for the doodles 6 years ago
a local phone directory with ads for security products
obligation free quote
now theres a name for a band/song/blogge
the bumper n i both dressed in black velvet
we've got so much tea says nk
the world is quiet
the luxury of consideration
roof over my head
food on the table
no war here
oh god
thank you
ive been working on my martin kennedy record
done 2 more tracks
very pleased with em too
very very pleased
stayed tuned
sent kiabgoa some new pictures ive done today
fielding some interesting offers
looks like middle earth is deffo on
qld po fest
a mim gig in mel???!!!
a private birthday party?
an exhibitionism??
a new so lo rekkid??
should i have a cuppa tea with matt davison if he comes over here?
(please vote yes or no and i will do as majority say)
oh watch out for a triffids special featuring moi....
and second isidore half finished but will be one day
bought some army shirts today
fit me perfectly
now i can iron on those silly stickers that i like
you know the ones that say
evil
and
player
and
8 ball
and
rocker
and
stoner
and
pentagram
and
flaming skull
and
fuck (a la the ford logo)
etc
and people can say
you think that guy'd grow up...
but im not going gently into that goodnight
ive hit a new upswing in creativity
and everything is happening faster n easier
effortless the way i like it
my new paintings are extra vibrant
my newsongs are extra poignant
my inner life is vivid
i am calm
anyone would have these results if they did what i do
i sit next to a guy in the sauna today, a friend hes 44
fuck i wanna lose ten kilos he says ruefully
rubbing his rather chubby tummy
do ya eat cheese i asks
oh i love cheese he says his face lighting up
dont eat anymore cheese i says
oh i couldnt do that says he
walk up the hill home instead of driving i say
oh but this is my exercise now he says
i havent got time.....
oh well
i hope you fond of your podgy olde tummy then
a verandah over the playground as they would say
water in pool starting to turn cold
cold water is good for ya
i dunno how it just is
reinvigorating
use all yer discipline to make yerself hop in
use even more to stay in past initial shock
swim hard and properly
conscious of your hand movements
breathe out your nose
look youre going quite fast and youre not outta breath
youre relaxed but in motion
just like onstage or yoga
or writing or walking
you are starting to really get across a lot of it
the cold starts to feel real good
are you blogging asks nk as she cooks dinner
tofu sandwiches
mm with sauce n salad
and nothing suffered for it
no blood
no mess
no bad karma
my noise cancellation headphones are a winner
im listening to a lot of luxuria n magazine
howard devoto one of best lyricists in my book
oh yes
check the fellow out
a real wry turn of phrase
a master of the sneer
and unusual choice of words
howie i love you baybee
has anyone heard his latest with pete shelley from few years back?
now its dark
dinner is almost ready
goodbye fiendss
as i sink back into la vrai vie

weird void

weird void hovering over me
making me feel.....
oh like i need to get warm
heatseeking need
need for something i dont know
missing from my equation
some element or ingredient
an additive maybe
i slurp down some muscat grape juice
ooh i musta needed that
oh that runs easy over my olde tired throat
its the autumn of my life
im confused
im still not acting my age
im all contracted
in the wrong way
jumpy and frail
the sun sinks below the sydney skyline
melancholia arrives
the palms move in the wind outside
i listen to yellow6/portal
i will indulge melancholia
i drift and weave in and out of daydreams
and blurry reveries too fragile to be remembered
the music creates and illustrates my voyage
i leave this autumnal room
and go where?
the children natter somewhere in the darkening house
i hear the baby call from miles away
where is this place i go
where sleep and drugs and tiredness and music take me
my private formless realm
where nothing can hurt me
an easy warm place
summer version
some aversion to coming back
a mellifluous whirlpool of thought
a still plain stretching to a far off horizon
it all makes sense here
i know all the answers but it doesnt surprise me
everything is ok just like vishnu said to me in my heart of hearts
none of it matters
nothing to get hung about
pleasant land somewhere inside me
wish i could paint it
wish i could sing it
when im there
all this struggle out here seems so unnecessary
all this blah blah blah blah bloody blah
the bombardment of info
the free trial offers
the pamphlets and tickets and receipts and bills and guarantees
why did we have to have all that?
how do those dolphins get by without traffic lights and schedules
can bears get angry if the internet is slow
do swans miss toasters and poly urethane insulation
do ants wish they could text each other
you see
i just dont believe this is the best we coulda had it
somethings gone wrong when guns are legal n pot is banned
when willy robbiams sells a billion records n i sell 18
when the heat is on but the trails gone cold
and the tail wags the dog star
but anyway
back inside my haze
where i swim languidly thru the thoughts
hard and soft
remember that
hard and soft
straddling the contradictions
being 2 places at once
making it up outta thin air
playing on as the ship goes down
there will be others
you dont meet em everyday
but theyre out there
good at that thing we crave
saying for us what we didnt think we could say
making us feel not alone
but always failing
but always trying
over and over
with paint or strings or movement or theorem
with good intentions
with open arms
with an eye to the weird void
still hanging over me

oh killaboy !

killaboy sat down at his little off white computer
oohh that rsi smarts but he perseveres
you know that killaboy cares for you
you can feel it
in these words he keeps writing
we are in the real universe
where nothing adds up
what are you trying to say killaboy
say it say it say it
oh my shoulder
type with left hand
thinks of something to say
gets a littlebit atta time
cant remember what he wanted to say
house is momentarily quiet
my ears ring
shadow of sadness
time flows out of the day
the sun shines thru a hole in the gathering clouds
night waits in the wings
patiently in darkness
ready to take hold again
summer and its promises have fled
leaving this greying afternoon
leaving me here in my may
then came the last days of may
the baby sits on my lap
continuity in action
blue eyed baby
her eyelids impossibly lilac
she watches me type solemnly
she waits impassively
warm soft heavy on my lap
my brother comes over
the baby stares at him the whole time
sulkily
the sky is rent with golden slices of light
the baby is deep in thought
something so liz taylor about her
been typing with left hand
muse: where is the renaissance man today?
me : he hadda day off

alleviator

sudden
there
its the alleviator
beautyful one
oh alleviator
undenying unphased undulating
swirling around my ankles
avenue in my mind i walk on
poet of the debris
a major prophet
filament of light
light headed n all
remembering you in my prayers
try to see you
you are uncommonly bright
somedays i can
somehow you will
alleviator come to me unbidden
show me your panacea
give me calm then
let me choose my wishes carefully though
dont try to trick me
dont slip away without a word
give me at least some satisfaction
let me see your starboard face
and your tongue of port
your colossal charisma that perpetuates thru weed gardens
mosaic hero of the good fight
unseen orchestrator of fortune
uncredited writer of the soundtrack of my lives
unauthorised soul intruder and slippery felon
oh alleviator give us content
write a story i can believe
cover me in silken chains
call me long distance at short notice
teach me the art of paradox
within paradox is truth
and all truth must contain paradox
or it is some feeble truth
unstretched by paradoxes hard edges
like lord vishnu says
i am this
and i am not this
until i can really understand that......
i realise yoga is indeed white magic as crowley said
to get in sync with myself
and then sync that up to the big thing
thats the great work
or dont work at all
your choice
the alleviator dont care
the alleviator impartial
the alleviator meaningless
it hurts to think
to think it hurts
and it feels like a joke
sometimes no hope for a no hoper
no return
spend your time wisely
you will not be re admitted if you leave
cmon alleviator dont play with me
dont give me im too busy
or
cant it weight
dont hand me a second hand second hand
and say
the clock is ticking over
let me see my contract again
i shouldnt have to ask you
shouldnt have to use all my persuasion
then find out you were gone
all the time
in this midnight blue
like a blurry lamp in a fog
hemmed in some cockpit
racing towards me
atmospheric friction burning you up
pulling us apart
alleviator in your birthday soot
in your decorated austerity
in your silted dream and river eyes
in your car pulled by swans
in your doublesex n third eyes
holy mouth whispering pure filth
angled and finely wrought
like mithril or crushed diamonds
alleviator fill my poem with words you have chosen yourself
alleviator be me
alleviator come back soon
alleviator here i am
alleviator listen now
its high time in the low lands
they are flooded with droughts
things aint gonna get better neither
alleviator can you look into it
wish me success then
wave me on thru the barrier
stay till im gone
until they turn off the lights at least
and the little crowd have filtered out
into the misty night
the marine city
everlasting until now

grub

winter falls into darkness
the silent worm in its lair
the mortals with a crush on life
the oozing of my thoughts
crackle of bones and fire
crawling feeling of nothing
bang!
and then
smoke
some kind of forest
snow
snow?
something moves
black icy water
something huge
the others
harpoon ray
white cloaked
stab!
residue
blackened underneath
not again
not again
not again
the thing endures
the huge dark thing is in my mind
who is me
who is the monster
they strike hard
a piercing shriek is heard
the viper is contained for a moment
the hooks falter
the ropes unravel
its free they scream
a lunge
damaged exhausted
griffin lamb
morsel offering
blade embedded deep
the beast struggles
primitive future now
its now
i rush to the dying beast
why did you do this i scream at them
them who are me
them in here
the they in me
i who are us
why why why
ha ha ha
they intuit for they do not speak
this thing is an abomination
nothing deserves to die like this say i
yes yes yes they cry
cancelled evening
no stars there
what will you do to me i ask
nothing they think
you will be nothing
no thing
a thing no more more or less no
no no no
never either
never to be this thing again
this thing you loved
this lovely thing
my monster and now my life
the life only i could live
alive whilst still alive
buried dead tired
stop now
youre making me sad said the beast as it died
and its tears turned into blessings
that flew up and became the new stars
and they said these stars are not for your eyes
and the others shot the blessings from the sky
who fell in flames upon the distant horizon
and when the world was again dark
they said come with us
where? i said
not where
when
now?
i said
they said
then

a rival of fambley

soon
will drive to ayer port
pick up fambley
back from 5 weeks in the u.s.
will the bumper still reco nize her daddy
will the doodles be happy to be home
its saying on internet the plane is half an hour late
but i guess i should go
just in case
i'll have a smoothie at puerto for brekky
i'll take my book n read (neverwhere by n gaiman)
four girls now
and 2 coming in july
i wish there was one other bloke involved in this...
its too late to have a son.....
oh well
you gotta play the hand thats dealt ya
six queens n an olde joker
does that beat a full house?

how to make love stay

and then one of white hippy moses disciples
said
oh mangey panther
i have a question that troubles my heart
and white hippy moses
turned
and saw it was bon bon who had asked
speak up childe
if i can i will answer you
and bon bon spoke with trembling voice
oh wise guy
he said
how does one make love stay
and white hippy moses
said ah.....
first you must make friends with love
and then you must supply love with every necessity
bathe her precious feet in your scalding tears
make your softened heart her pillow of stars
bring her cloudberries with ambrosia and nepenthe
petition her with music and memories
refine yourself
purify yourself
make yourself worthy in her house
speak soft and just words
be a man of peace and light
wear simple garments
do not be afraid to be naked in her presence
reveal yourself as you hope she would be revealed
leave your jealousy behind for love has many lovers
bring love your truth and honour
bring love your finest self decked in joy and laughter
try hard for love, do your best
for love is easily offended
and can depart in a single moment
alas, never to return....

and the people who heard his words
knew they could be true
and all hastened to their own houses
to renew the search for love
sweet sweet love
forever and ever
ah man

pleasure

this is so easy for me
everywhere i wanted to be
being in time
being in love
surrounded by the stars
enabled
willing at last and forever
5 daughters of my flesh
to carry on
the work
the great work
however they see fit
and somebody in the crowd, a baker
called out
what is the great work, white hippy moses?
tell us that we may share in it...
to change yourself
you are the canvas
you are the instruments
you are the hammers n nails
grow greater than you are
make mistakes n get up
thrive
revitalise
be resilient
be sient
listen!
who is whispering to you
deep deep deep down
so still
the water drip drop drip
air filled with soft humming
underground
blessed darkness
aware from the suns glare
blind transparent fish in black water
common darkness we all share
whence we come thither we go
vibrating the lords sacred names on my tongue
spitting foul blasphemies
do not enter until you are certain
when you open that dorr....
that door you have travelled towards
all your life
go through
turn back
what does white hippy moses care
only everything

look but dont touch

space opera

leaves without pay

dear fiendss
despite everything
inc ryans personal anti rsi video
which i been doing
i have a rsi condition
from typing on this blogg
its now spilling over into art n music
which i cant have
so doctor peter podcaste
has suggested a few days off
my deepest apologies to ya
i hope you dont withdraw too hard
(oh!)
i will be back with some picktures tomorrow
even writing this now is kiiling me
so aloha
sk
slightly too wound up
nth bondi
still working on project...

five knuckle shuffle

have an hour to write this before bloggers outage
listening to ipod again on noise cancel headphones
1st up science fiction by divinyls
must be nks track
this is 3rd time this has come up in a cuppla weeks
didnt like grown woman dressed as school girl
it confused me......
i never had a fetish for school girls
cept maybe when as i was at school
and im unsure why there is some tacit implication
that some olde women
(shes gotta be same age as me..)
dressed up as a lamb was sexy
the song is ok...i guess
ooh i should read her biography i spose
next ride
tongue tied from firing blanks
this isnt really what they do best
cos stripped of the noise
theres just some wide eyed jangly blim blam
so next
beechwood park
the zombies
its pretty good
but i heard it a lotta times
when i was "young"
until one day when i was very nauseous
i listened to this album
and forever it imprinted itself on me
and i feel sick when i hear it
...like a lotta music
ah ah
more slowdive
it just aint random
ive lost my manual
explain why it chooses some over n over
ignores others
yessaday played grant track then everything takes forever
off jacky frosty
howcome?
this slowdive is vey lovely
a modest waltzy instrumental
feel the sunshine by blank n jones
not my cuppa tea really
i got this cos my track is on the album
i guess cood come in handy
if youre with yer ladeee...
next
o children
nick caved
lyre of orf
fairly standard stuff
close to a parody now
forster n mclennan live in germany
if the devil had seen yer dress....
no comment
next
the byrds
i come n stand
oh achingly beautiful sad stuff
a song sung by a dead child from hiroshima
" im seven now as i was then...
when children die they do not grow.."
love this songs bleak beauty
tvc 15
wow the olde thin wide archduke is dispro represented
on my my poddo
anyone else getting this?
this is ok
not my fave...oh
part1 by yellow6
they got about 10 records
go get em
if you like this kinda thing
talk of the town by pretenders
perfect pop
this song unfolds in simple logic like a pop equation
nice stuff
is it really written about me....?
(no!)
dead bodies by air
love air but not this one so much
but air are heirs to that french movie gushing euro muzac
i love em
good for many purposes
especially perhaps as a musical background
for les games d'amoureuse...
moss garden by d bowie again
yes superb
farewell fire by boards of canada
tasty stuff
investigate this
because of you
bill nelson
a guy i admire
but this is meady ochre
not worth mentioning really why
its just disappointing
wait till summer the kinks
kinda dylany
or something
6 outta ten
more ride
from tarantula
kinda run outta ideas or something
deep inside my pocket
doesnt work when these guys come on tough
its kinda funny actually
weak....
thorn in my side
eurythmics
must be nks...
pass

the long n winding road
a funny alternative take
oh yeah
such a classic its hard to bee objective
king of rumbling spires by t rex
weird in between track
light all the fires .....
last track
inertia creeps by massive attack
oooh dark

thats it
today working on a secret musical project

how random is random?

yep
put the poddy on shuffle
the go bes come on second
cmon grant....its a robert track...you can do better than that
yessaday you came up with even as we speak n something
off in your bright ray
now we have that amazing singer
the australian woman from dead can dance
liza gerrard?
lisa gerrard?
she sings like a wailing sybil prophetess
in a language of her own
pure genius
this track offa italian compilation
an italian guy gave me
is just her n a string machine
im sure i written bout it before
astounding stuff...
now comes another one my ipod likes to throw up
the auteurs who are ok
the english press made a big fuss over them
i can remember (jealously) from the past
when silly things like that mattered to me
or whoever thought they were me
before i
the real me turned up
the house of love are next
who i dont mind
tho i understand the "similarities' between
the church and these guys
but i think its circumstantial
and by priest = aura all similarity
with this innocous stuff was gone
i mean
i wanted more than these sometimes lukewarm numbers
cant see the name of the track from 'ere
and it aint worth bovvering standing up for
next ah ha
sparklehorse
yes this is good
the king of nails
yes
remote control will come in handy for this
its good but its not making me listen to it so
goodbye goodstuff
bob dylan doing
when the night comes falling from the sky
i reckon when the knight comes falling from the sky is better
this song is hopeless
sang in a silly voice n all
bobby your best is the best
but your worst is the....pits
cos we know what it coulda been
ride like a daydream
like the byrds with more ambient guitar cushioning
love this ride
but hated it when you could actually hear the awkward stuff
they were singing
saw straitjacket fits blowem offstage in my opinion
in sydney in 1991
still its fresh n vibrant
like my brand of killers herbal toothpaste
coming to merch stalls near you
ride finishes n the next thing could be anything
i give up
silver apples
goodbye
those apples spoilt the whole bunch
david bowie
lovely song
what does this mean tho...?
taking it all the right way
keeping it in the back
and whole loada ridiculous
(i realise now)
soulisms like gimme gimme
sho nuff
get down
jonesy was discovering his inner funkyman
and we stood for this bollocks...?
ohh lawdy momma....!
transit by biosphere
dark heartbeat in virtual street
things gently clang in the mist
but something nasty is in there
amon duul 11 from wolf city
crazy krautrock hippy dribble
tablas sitars
things going sweeesh
mellow tron
still sounds like something id have liked to have done
good on ya amon!
then
se a cabo
what does that mean you spanish types?
santana from abraxas
nostalgia it reminds me of being 16
some exciting stuff here
1st latin rock fusion
my dad said
its just bloody rock music with some geezer playing bongos
ha ha dad
funny how those things stick with ya..
gee im enjoying this
my foots tapping
its infectious
and its suddenly over
in comes slowly
yellow6
who are simply the creme de la creme of instrumental music
recommend everything
sad euro hemi-themes
drifting in ether
music for rainy afternoons
and aching nights
do yerselves a favour
if melancholy beautiful music is yer thing
check out yellow6
the walker bros singing wheres the girl
is this guy the best male singer of all time or what?
tho i loathe his last album im sorry to say
ah in comes george harrison
beware of darkness from beware of abkco
a boot of georges demos
ya know i LOVE george dont ya
his modesty
his lovely voice
his good looks
his innovation
his lovely melodies
n words that were just right
fuck i miss ya george
you were a saint!
spiritualised
right up my alley
but dont wanna write about em
but theyre really good...
slowdive
demos
ah lovely stuff
you should be listening to this
glittery marshmellow liquidic little number
cant hear the words n its better that way im sure...
it explodes in a white lighty climax
and sinks back into its gentle self
amen shoo geezers
brett smiley
what the fuck is this bullshit?
lisping coquettish mincing with orchestral swirling
loadsa words coming at ya
its ....interesting
there comes a time in every spaceboys life
sings brett
all mars n guitars n stars n spaceface love
hot sex n chariot choogle droogie
a moonage wetdream
then...
oh i really like this
trojan blue by icehouse
the juxtaposition of a condom brand name
n the the perishing world of troy
youd like this one
the finest treasures of kings
all those precious things
they never tempted you
how could you bear to look on
as they burnt for you?
oh theyre good lyrics i reckon
and full points for any greek references...
enter
the verve
neon wilderness
boy he lost his judgement
trying to turn into neil diamond before our eyes
whod a thunk it
this still in good days i guess
aloha
then its dire straits
and some boogie woogie bollocks
yeah yeah
the sultanas of schwing mark 7
some straits i like
but this straits is strickly for the "straights"
i have time for one more of this foolhardy execise
so it will be oozing significance
for all of us
and it is
(drumroll)
grant mclennan
do you see the lights
i swear on the life of my children
that is the track which came up
unbelievable
and fact is stranger than fiction
howcome im not surprised?
and its got timbo playing drums
oh i gotta hang in for one more now
see if theres anymore to this
ok shuffle
give us
significance
david bowie
doing black country rock
in which he imitates marc bolan
complete with bolan bleat n guitar figure
there is significance here
im sure

impostos de la amoro surperbe

its so bad for ya.....takeoff

killers accounting shop

the hellbound heart

the second greatest story ever told...my mothers book

too much snow bizness
******************************************************

*******************************************************
im am la killa
i take the female form because i have a womans sign
i like everyone else
picks up the secret language of the dead
oh let me take you to the islands of the dead
to the firehouse...
the ipod still playing grant or gobs more often than it should
if shuffle is really random
howcome it plays so much stuff of beatles anthology
like you gonna lose that girl 2wice in a cuppla hours
youre gonna lose that girl....indeed
well i used to like it
but its all over now
the silly little voices chiming in repeating n elaborating
"i'll take her out n youll be the lonely one"
(youre not the only one) sing george n paul
ah its a bit uninspiring really
a little fucking twee for me
i'd rather listen to michael rother
from neu etc
who makes wunderbar electronique es musika de la krautroque
these wonderful teutonic rockers
paying no lips service to the(by now) tedious blues
they approached it in a different way
the result...?
mechanistic drumbeats
synthesizers fixed to the beat
burble and pump in time
something like strings so sad melody
mmm...sometimes i hear bits eno musta heard
specially in popul vuh
the treated pianos
these german guys were pioneeers
today its foggy or lo hanging system of ducks down
your wiggly weporter has been painting
thanks to conversation with painting advisory board
which reported sales up
and
well
keep on paintin'
so i finish off the one in the picture here
and start some others
6 oclock in arvo
turns into 10 30 at nighty mighty quickly
when you doing painting
i dont know what the hell im doing
but
as i told you before
someone inside me
seems to know
so i stay outta the way as much as i can
i listen to my ipod shuffle
as it plays its weird dispro amounts of gobees n donovan
(jesus he used to come up with some tripe!...but good stuff too!)
and the beatles doing an alternative version of maxwells silva hamma
(you can imagine how little i dig that..finger goes straight to the ff)
paint paint paint i go
time stops inside a dream
im outside somewhere
in here the collective human artist appraises distances
makes colour choices
makes flourishes and moves quickly about
the gouache goes on like cream
the pastel is actually possibly very toxic
the advisory board is organizing me some HEPA equipment
i dont know what HEPA stands for
bout it sounds like hepatitis right?
(it has nothing to do with that. ed.)
anyway im getting the filtration n removal machines
because that pastel dust is nasty stuff
and the olde beeing dont wanna dye for his art
so now the dust must be gone
i also trying havin' a crack at sorting out my "accounting"
well
im shuffling my mountains of bits of paper about
so the govt can figger out how much to wallop me
thats the price of socialism and i gladly will pay it
no point being well off in the midst of poverty
not that im rolling in dough like a pastry kook
so i pay up if i have to
n take the benefits when i can
but ooh it hurts when you fork it out to 'em
and ya think ahhh less iraq and more arts grants boys
more attention to the wevver
and less of the olde ruinous war war wars
talking of wars
my mothers book is available from karmic hit
its around 25 bucks n in only EXTREMELY limited supplies
read how my mummy got thru the war
and then grew up n produced.....
(drum roll)
ME!
have written some songs
was gonna post on a blister on my toe
till i saws ryans toes n read his report
which went something like
each footstep shredded the flesh off the bone
while frostbite ripped back the watery sores etc etc
and accompanied by a picture
of 2 extremely ruined n fucked up toes
i mean
hes not gonna get a job as a foot model with toes like that
so my feeble little blister wont get a mention
(though paradoxically it just did)
boom boom
someone interested in the olde being playing where....?
you mean just me?
so lo
where?
that poor mans middle earthy place
where they still drive austin 1800s?
cmon ....
shhhh....
its only a merest hint of a rumour
so say nothing or youll spoil it
and a certain poetry festival
do they want the being to read froot machine all the way
and an invitation to special gig somewhere special
hmmm?
cant say anymore
and a chance to be on an extremely huge tv show
and play a buddhist ski instructor in "snow"
or a sponsorship by a well known energy drink company
involving millions of pounds
n the slogan
still rocking at 52
or the chance for me to play song in space
on the moon in 2032
when they open up the files on jfk
so itll only be olde dodderers getting enraged
at what they did
life goes on out here in reality
us surfing the edges of time
falling off one by one
as new riders climb on the wave
tonite dinner with d and j
boheemian newtownions in warehouse caper
maybe some pix
sk

mercy

dreampt about grant all night
he was always just off in the distance
i could see him but i couldnt reach him
we were managed by the same guy
(in the dream)
he was saying grants got this bad cold
and youre getting it too
i could see grant from my window...

grant n go betweens coming on shuffle
disproportionately
the other day i was thinking bout grant
and right here came on
followed by antenna
followed by about 5 other songs
i cant remember now
but each one arguably significant
sometimes when im alone
i see something moving out the corner of my eye
grant, if youre out there......
here i am
ready to talk
or is it just co incidence on coincidence
about 2 weeks after my father died
i was sitting there crying
when i got this warm peaceful feeling
and my dads voice said in my brain
its gonna be alright son
and i really felt his presence
course in all my "supernatural" dealings
i take wishful thinking into account
im never sure
if only it was
that we might meet with them on the other side
as they were in life
naive...?
i been the most cynical man you can meet
i been the most wide eyed fool
i been everywhere between
we'll never know until its all over
maybe a short spell in some heaven or hell
maybe nothing
so nothing you wont even know its nothing
just like before we were born
a rather pleasant oblivion
i guess my ego dont wanna lay down its flag
fuck, its only doing its job
you might as well blame yer tongue for talking
killer rambles on in the misty morning light
i have found that....
that things seem to have a reason
sometimes a hidden reason
that may take a long time to unravel
maybe things work on greater time scales than human lifetimes
i know one thing
ive trodden these boards before
whatever skills i possess
i have weilded before n before
and that sweet chi gong
and that exhilarating yoga
and that ocean mother
they say remember killer remember
they layy whole memories on me complete
they say yes you are you
but once you were him n her
(actually should read once you were he n she)
killer youre so close
but close dont win the cigar
close but no sugar lamp read a bad review in 1983
vegetarian n vegan food
do you wanna run your machine on that old dirty fuel?
you see the proofs in the pudding
isnt it?
i have young men come up to me
all the time
and say
'i can see your olde but you still look ...ok
and uh..it gives me uh...hope
that when im youre age...
(though they dont believe they ever will be)
that im ah...well you know..'
at which point im saying
there there my boy
old age aint to be feared if you take the right steps..
"yeah" says young man
i say
dont smoke
dont drink (killa hypocrite)
dont eat meat
exercise
take up some esoteric eastern science/art
eg yoga meditation xi gong karate tantra devotion
whatever i dunno
and do it every day
and by this time theyve gone "sure...ok..."
but ....
you gotta have self discipline
oh and i do
to do things
not to resist things
but to do things
and i do n i do n i do
i gotta be active
and something else
yessaday i have a visit from perry
of pam n perry esq. purveyors of fine herbs
and perry sitting there
in the luxuriating global warming sunshine
of my kitchen
which youve now all seen
and perry says thru the aromatic smoke n motes of light
you see steve we're both virgos
its a womans sign
we are men with a womans sign
my oh my
it never occurred to me before
this slightly feminine (i imagine) perspective
coupled with a mans ability to obsess
the obssession it needs to succeed
on any level
less yer lucky
and im kinda lucky but not real lucky
and i hang around with these females in my family
and i reckon i do better than most
i am the antithesis of the distant unavailable father
i like girls n i always have
but its hard to unscramble this from obviuos bio-mechanisms
ultra males n alpha males n brutes leave me fucking cold
so predictable with their stuff
n their trophy wives
call their wives "honey"
cant remember their names
enough of this bile
so im a virgo you see
a man with a womans sign
maybe the horoscope is all just phoney baloney
so
i says to perry
whos sitting there so confident in astrology
so i say
hoping to shed a little empirical scientific light
on the subject
are you saying that
when someone is born
all the planets in the sky
by gravity or cosmic rays or magnetism
or some other force or combination
affects our very flesh bone and attitudes with its subtle emanations
causing actual predilections and physical manifestations to occur
and perry smiles and says
exactly
and ive just explained it to myself
im a man with a womans sign
huh
go figger

sweet tuesday morning

yeah yeah
im spoiling ya again
and ya know it
i got up early
drove to this harbour beach
hadda swim did yoga etc
feel real good
you can see my beastly car in these pics
i just paid $1250 for a load of work
now its going like a dream
did a track last nite with jlk for martin kennedy record
the place here is still a mess
are you fiendss ever gonna be satisfied with just words again?
wish i'd taken yon camera to europe
oh well...
damn!

snapped shots

the best pool in the whirled


professor of dope n absinth...sunday night


the empty beach


batchelor life...but no kisses



there you go
as it happens
from your co respondent on the frontline
going the hard yards for ya
sk

the light pours outta me

nth bondi
sudden illumination
may 6
2007

the passed n the futile

maybe i run out of things to say
nobody could keep it up forever
grant gone for one year
the ghost in the next room hears me cough
always obseessed by death even when you were alive
if we knew when we were gonna die.....
if we knew what was out there waiting for us
nihilism says nothing out there killer
and in the predawn darkness
its easy to believe
unmasked in these early wee small hours
i rise from my bed like a pale blur on black
melancholy baby
shine on harvest moon river
that big black death patiently waiting for me
the stillness of the night
the coming of the light
shivering
just an olde guy in a kitchen
type type type
words still flowing
we're gonna rise up singing
out there sydney
sin city
whats happened in you tonight
surf city
ecstasy n slo mo love
mayhem n carnage
people glued to a tv set
urchin and an enemy
alley cats n sophisticated idiots
blokes slurping down beer
they grow fatter n fatter
till they waddle about like penguins
almost disabled and red faced..
kids wake up early and play quietly in their room
today more people will die
more people will be born
maybe for you and me
just another day
we kinda gotten used to em
these days
coming out of the machine
brand new days forever n ever
go on
carry on
do it
start here
but what have we done to this world?
it was the only one we had
waters in flame
ice melting down
fires gone out
i wrote that 20 odd years ago
it all seems like it was 5 minutes ago
when scarlet was born
when i learnt to swim at shell harbour
when the first english boot hit the sand here
and the locals said
its the end of everything
when we discovered the moons quiet music
when we danced on goat feet in secret glades
and we worshipped zeus and astarte
and the stars really fell from the sky
and something out there
something very very very big
pulled us apart
one by one
and flung us to the farthest corners of the sky
the sky that had just appeared out of nowhere
and that poor lonely god
dreaming up some company for himself
separating into countless little flames
from his fire
come back n tell me about life
that great fire hisses
and we burn n burn n burn on
inexistinguishable they say
we have always been here
i need to heal n be healed
i want to go back
this life thing hurts
it feels so real
so real
i forget who i am
im nobody
just another glorious nobody
part of something enormously invisible
yet right under my nose
my spirit animates my flesh
when my spirit departs
or is negated
the flesh will return to the elements
we do hope the spirit prevails
some spirits take such a battering here
we can build a bridge between sweden n denmark
but we cant find peace
mans inbuilt design error
dont you see
you gotta re make yourself over
you cant just give in to everything
i do believe that is in our power
you dont have to be another pig at the trough
ah the pink clouds n paleness of eos as she arrives
i named my 3rd daughter aurora
it was the most beautiful name i could think of
the roman goddess of the dawn
and she is golden in hue and temperament
her twin is eve
her opposite
mother of mankind
the dark night outside eden
eve who is lithe n limber n rebellious
and the first dawn in eden
before eve arrived
adam must have laughed
to see that young sun rise
do i believe this stuff
it is not a literal truth
it is not a fact
not like the time being in his dawn
his southern hemisfear
global warming
its nearly winter but its pretty damn warm morning
well we trusted the villains like we always do
we sold our cow for a handfull of beans
and a industrialised monster sprang up
and someone thought up the 1st world war
and we all said lets go n get killed there
for king n country and the arch duke franz ferdinand
but we won oh we won
and now we......
well we musta got something out of it
and now
and now its sunday
a day of rest
the rest of the day
white sabbath

under n in the wings

i "come to" after who knows how long
i am standing outside this gig in luxembourg with jan
jans been raving on n on about our music
but my system is unable to accept compliments
like a thirsty man trying to drink a mirage
i draw no succour from anyones praise
i cannot fill this black hole in me with this stuff
when i was a kid reading the nme n creem
i thought mmm thats what i need
some geezer saying i made a great record
but...?
its not arrogance
jan notices my eyes have wandered
im staring off into the distance
thinking about what?
i finish the joint and toss the butt still smokin' in the gutter
i feel like clint eastward in front of this uptight but lovely person
jan laughs nervously
whats yer ph dee in again? i ask
i am an ashtro-physicist ......
wow!
no it not that much....
neither is being in the fuckin' church....
but schteeve you are my fafourite band...EFFER!
ok then...im glad
i cant believe these academic types love us
if i was an astrophysicist or gynacologist
or economics guru
i doubt whether id bee blowing a joint
outside some dive with this olde scruff like kilbey is
anyway
i go inside
5 minutes says someone
good luck schteeve says jan and shakes my hand
thish has meant so much to me! jan says
i don my wrinkled salt encrusted still damp clothes
the rest of the band sip their drinks or fiddle about
none of us is nervous
a little bit of nervous is good
but we aint been nervous for ages
the intro music plays
cmon i say to others
obliviously having a conversation or something
cmon i say
the intros on
you go on they say
we'll be out inna minute
eventually we go on
late as usual
the place is half empty
but
its also half full
i pick up my bass
and i start to sing
and something happens
the heavy bass of the soundcheck is now a feather in my hands
my body is filled with a restless rush of energy
im so relaxed
but im so alert
im a bit drunk n stoned too
but the rush of energy is cancelling them out
the words come falling out of my mouth
my fingers play n play
occaisionally i think
e
or f#
but mostly they just do it
i stand back n watch myself singing
and playing
the drums so loud
pounding
pounding like my blood
the screams of the guitar
the roiling churning physical sea of sound we create
an inexorable vortex
my earpiece slips out
i cant believe how loud it is
a solid wall of bristling electricity
forget jingle jangle pop music baby
this is a visceral spiritual sexual assault on you
i see jan up the front completely gone
eyes closed
swaying in some other time
sway jan sway
the audience are going bananas
im surprised n im not surprised
our music is like a razor blade at 120 decibels
every guitar note hangs around all night
the pressure builds up n up
when i play the low notes on the bass
i see people respond like they been kicked in the guts
or just seen their woman with another man
we take you through the moods
sad happy stunned triumphant desolate angry
all in one minute
and back again
i sing the words i designed to conquer you
i sing the words no one else but me would have written
god says steven i put you here to write these songs
now fucking write em!
i sing the words
and i see how some words affect some
and some words affect others
i sing n i whisper n i ham it up
im confident im shy
im so detached
im so tired n world weary
but im eager to please
and i say stupid things
and i say majestically grande things
that they didnt think i'd say
n i make em laugh with my egotism
n with my bashful unsureness
and i make it look easy easy easy
why anyone could do this
i strike ridiculous poses while i play
rock parodies of my beloved yoga poses
god says mix it up you crazy fool thats what its for
only my black jeans prevent me from perfectly executing
the leg part of a number of poses
i jump about
i skip n i thump my boot up n down
finally its all over
drenched in sweat
we slew the bastards
we slew em
encore
more of the same
at the end we go into free form freakout
the guitars wailing in anguish
the drums sound like a tornado
the bass throbs in the lower regions like
a sea monster
its all over
they love us
we love them
goodnight
ladeez anda gentsa
goodnight
wherever we are...
as i walk to dressing room
i become aware of being drenched in sweat
and my ears ringing like sirens
how drunk n blurry i am
we joke around after the gig
some small things are mentioned
praises n blame
suggestions are made
jokes are cracked
after about 15 minutes
jan is shown back into the dressing room
oh shteeve what can i say
didja like it then i say
oh shteeve when you played blah blah i cried
ok then cant ask for more than that
jan goes off a satisfied customer
i hang around n hang around
waiting n waiting till we're ready to leave
eventually by now stoned n drunk on absinthe
i have sunken into a trance
its not that everythings so great in the trance
its not an ecstactic trance
but its this deeply numb n unfeeling trance
a quiet restful respite
from the hounding voices of my own mind
the questions have stopped
no ones trying to rationalise it all
no one trying to write a song or a blog
no one with recriminations n regrets
nope
just kilbey at the bottom of his mind pool
a warm black pool
oh you can imagine fiendss
i know you can
how delicious it is in the the deep black pool of my mind
so deep no one can ever reach me
im herded like a lamb to the car
someone asks me to sign some cds
i watch from the bottom of my pool
as kilbey scribbles something
kilbey so wants to let this man know he appreciates them
but realises that its easier to let it go in the end
they must know in their heart of hearts he does
kilbey smiles at them at any rate
his big yellow teeth n crows feet smile
that fair dinkum im a good bloke smile
he only just learnt not so long ago
its enuff
everyone goes home happy
the car journey is a lovely lovely blur
some music softly plays
a conversation
then the hotel
someone says
here steve
room 1313
on the 13th floor
theres the elevator on the left
the hotel desk clerk calls out in his funny accent
no sir the other left.....
i get into my room
wow
its got internet
wi fi
my little white lappy fires up
my ipod plays i dormienti by eno
i gotta great idea for a new blogge.....

some incredible distance, some incredible place

sometimes i think
sometimes i sink
in some incredible race


karma: awake soul
put on your suit of flesh
this will be your new life
you will incarnate as steven john kilbey
the eldest son of les and joyce kilbey
you will be english and white and male
you will grow up in australia
you will have 2 brothers
you will have 5 daughters
soul : and my occupation
karma : a writer of words, a player of music
a singer of songs
now rush on ahead
taste this!
you are now 52 years old
playing music in the continent of europa
soul :when?
karma : now

i awake in a room
who am i?
what am i?
for a few moments my head has gone blanc
i have been hurled down here...
i know its hard for you to believe
the words hotel room come into my head
in english
but before i was thrown down here into this dream
i spoke another language
many other languages that i was a' croonin' in
making them ladies swoon and the gents go a loon
hotel room says the words
says the voice
this steve kilbey voice
which he talks to himself in
in english
he talks to himself in his own anglo-austra accent
he used to try to emphasise the anglo
but now he deliberately emphasizes the austra
hotel room says the/his voice
he sits up
he feels clobbered by the alcohol from the night before
he is not a drinker
but he has picked up the deleterious habit
of drinking strong alcohol before he performs
he finds it acts as a pleasant dis inhibitor
tonight hes playing in luxembourg
they gotta long drive ahead of us
i stumble down to breakfast
oh breakfast just closed says a girl in her thick accent
oh i say
gee im hungry cos ive hadda smoke and done yoga n xi gong
kilbey does these practices everymorning
the practices are spiritual mental n physical
they harmonize these three forces in man
they then align this unified field into the greater unified field
connect up to infiniti (reedy)
kilbey is far from connected
marginally perhaps if that
if only that
he has however begun to reap their diligent practices rewards
which combined with swimming in the sea everyday
have actually had some rejuvenating effects
if youve seen him judge for yourself
i keep thinking of a blogge im gonna write
as if it was about being my true self
looking out at all this with its alien eyes
the girl says
you can have some bread and jam if you like
oh yes please i say
oh bread n jam n a glass of tinny orange juice
kilbey sits in the now empty breafast salon
pictures of people who stayed here line the walls
smiling grinning pouting looking straight into the camera
faces of people from some distant show biz past
cabaret dancers and hammy beaus
dressed in the clothes of the day
faded and black and white
signed n autographed
to the excelsior hotel
from sam and dolphine klemmer
kilbey notices all these things
they crowd in on him
all these sad dead faces from yesterday
soon you, they all whisper
soon you
kilbey chews his bread and jam
hes put butter on it even tho he says hes a vegan
fuck it he says in his mind
as he spreads it on the crusty white bread
but deep inside it makes him feel real bad
after this pack his clothes in his grey suitcase
well
kilbey doesnt pack
he just throws it all in and out
fuck it he thinks to himself as he pushes down
on the unruly crowd of dirty washing thats trying to escape
back out
he lugs it down the corridor
catches a tiny continental lift
im mildly claustrophobic
did you know that
and some people make kilbey claustrophobic too
i stop to pay phone bill
i rang my wife last night
to give her the number here
so we could talk
a picture of kilbeys wife appears in his mind
delicate face n curly blonde hair
the face his three youngest kids have half of
ha ha ha
says mwp
one of the doodles looks exactly like you
and the other exactly like her
kilbey says baffled but which is which?
well evie is you and aurora is her...!
children
fatherhood
joy n sorrow
and the rest of it
kilbey pays the couple of euros bill
he jumps in the van
with some others n drives
another man sits next to kilbey
and gives directions from a map
music fills the cabin
the man occaisionally becomes angry
as kilbey loses focus and fails to turn left or right
left and right has always been bad for me kilbey thinks
perpetuating his confusion needlessly
we drive n drive n drive
kilbeys a safe driver considering
he doesnt get angry with the traffic
and rail at the uselessness of women drivers for example
he doesnt carryon pointless conversations under his breath
like
go on, do it buddy
oh fer fucks sake
what are you waiting for now you idiot
go on lady thats the only colour green they got
kilbeys basic machina drives the car
his reflexes are relatively sharp
he is not intoxicated in any way you may understand
but his mind is away
the man next to him talks n talks
kilbey nods n mms n shakes his head n sighs
but hes somewhere else in his head
reliving an olde bad situation
or thinking about lyrics
or thinking about his wife too
and his people back home
sometimes the goings on intrude
we arrive at petrol station
trevor fills the van up
i go inside n buy a red bull n a water n some crisps
back in the car
same thing x hours n hours
fun fun fun on the autobun
we arrive at place after argy bargy with mapquest
our highway just stopped dead
detour it said
a whole new highway going somewhere else
walk into gig
medium sized dark room
smells of smoke
the others are here
setting up the instruments
boom boom boom go the drums
time for him to play
he plucks the strings
boom boom boom
he puts no thought into playing
the fingers run around with minds of their own
he sings the words
the words are ingrained somewhere
they slide out effortlessly
he doesnt try very hard it seems
doesnt put a lot into it
he glides
its not like working of course
the driving
that was working
but this is easy
boom bang crash goes the soundcheck
tempers flare n subside
kilbeys earpieces are uncomfortable
they sit inside his ears blocking out the worst of the noise
his ears ring continuously in a condition called tinnitus
the sondcheck finishes
a dinner of tomato soup n french fries
strangely enough kilbey enjoys this meal with relish
he is no gourmet
he loves a veggie burger n chips more than almost anything
the musicians hang around till its time to go on
its too much hassle to check into hotel now
which is a far way away
ditto finding veggie restaurants
eventually its the path of least resistance
if they got tomato soup (least likely to contain chicken or beef stock)
and they got chips then im ok
maybe some chocolate soymilk
we got that too
n humous n pita
the dressing room is ok actually
with mirrors with lights round em n everything
kilbey dont enjoy looking at his face so much anymore
tho he admits its a good character face
a face for an arrogant king in shakespeare
the face of kind and groovy daddy
the face of a brutal aussie bricklayer
kilbeys eyes imply things
they imply things he has no idea of
and make promises
he never realised he was making
or breaking...
still he checks the mirror
hmmm in this mirror here you could marvel
at how well preserved the old rake actually is
but under this mirror here
under the morose flemish sky
kilbey is every inch his years
somehow this paradox can be worked to an advantage
kilbey wonders and wanders backstage
he slips out into a back alley with jan
jan lives here
you know i rilly gona think you will like a this shteeeve
says jan producing a joint of the ubiquitous widow
the widow thats been a'following me
oh schteeve why dont you play somethingk off preeesht equillz orra
we talk n talk
jans gotta ph d in something
oh beleeef me schteeve...it means nothingk
we smoke out the back of the club
the night is warm n aromatic
soon we will be hitting the stage




to be continued tomorrow
tomorrows episode: standing in the wings feeling kinda sick